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Borderline Personality Disorder
Classification according to ICD-10
F60.31 Emotionally unstable personality disorder, borderline type
ICD-10 online (WHO version 2011)
Borderline personality disorder (abbreviated BPS) or emotionally unstable personality disorder borderline personality type is the name of a personality disorder caused by impulsivity and instability in interpersonal relationships , mood and self-image is CrossFit Denver identified. [1]
With such a disorder specific areas of the feelings, thought and action are affected, as reflected by negative and sometimes paradoxical acting behavior in interpersonal relationships, and in a disturbed relationship to itself. The BPS is very often accompanied by other stresses, including dissociative disorders , depression and various forms of self-injurious behavior (SIA). The disorder often occurs along with other personality disorders (high comorbidity ).
The title Borderline means in German borderline or equivocal . Previously, the disturbance in the border area between was neurotic disorders and psychotic disorders classified as to symptoms from both areas identified. [2] [3] In the psycho-traumatology among the symptom picture of the complex post-traumatic stress disorder . Since the work of Kernberg , the term does not “fix diagnosis” [4] more, but as a nosologic entity recognized and separate disease. [5] Some scientists are calling but the abandonment of the notion, because he really no personality disorder, but differential diagnosis call problems. [6 ] The issue of classification is a central theme to which it, as well as on the question of causes, so far no consensus there.
Contents [ Hide ]
A classification according to DSM-IV
2 Differential Diagnosis

In the 100 day loans DSM-IV , the classification system of the American Psychiatric Association , the borderline personality disorder is defined as follows:
A deep pattern of instability in interpersonal relations, self-image and the emotions , and significant impulsiveness . The onset is often in early adulthood or during puberty and is manifested in various spheres of life.
At least five of the following criteria must be met when we talk of such a disturbance:
Strong efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. Note: This is not considered suicidal or self-injurious acts that are included in Criterion fifth
A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships, by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation is identified.
Identity disturbance : markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.
Impulsivity in at least two potentially self-damaging (eg spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, eating too much or too little). Note: This is not suicidal or self-mutilating behavior into account the criteria contained in 5th
Recurrent suicidal acts, suicidal hints or threats or self mutilating behavior .
Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (eg, severe episodic dysphoria , irritability or anxiety, which usually last for a few hours these upsets, and rarely more than a few days).
Chronic feelings Relevant Life Cover of emptiness.
Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (eg frequent temper tantrums, persistent anger, recurrent physical fights).
Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms.
In the ICD , the classification system of the World Health Organization (WHO), the borderline personality disorder is a subtype of emotionally unstable personality disorder: the impulsive type of this disorder is characterized by a lack of impulse control and unpredictable actions. At the borderline type , the self-image and behavior are affected the relationship harder. This type is about the definition of borderline personality disorder in DSM-IV.
Differential diagnosis

Some of the symptoms may also occur with other disorders, such as in depression , schizophrenia , schizoaffective psychosis , with Asperger’s syndrome and other forms of autism , schizoid personality disorder , narcissistic personality disorder , Schizotyper disorder or paranoid personality disorders . The diagnosis therefore requires a careful differential diagnostic clarification.
Distribution

According to several sources are affected by two per cent of people, some authors estimate the number slightly higher. While varying the degrees of severity, respectively. the expression levels of the disturbance significantly, making the frequency of focus.
The BPS is diagnosed 70 to 75 percent in female patients. The reasons for this are controversial. It is also unclear whether the frequency distribution of the population agrees with the rate of diagnosis, because there is a lack of representative study groups.
Whether children are affected by the BPS, is discussed controversially. By definition, the BPS begins in childhood and adolescence. [7]
The frequency in older people there are very few and at the same time contradictory findings. Some authors (eg, Casey 1988, Kroessler 1990), suggest a lower incidence of BPH in older adults compared to younger ones. Other authors Life Insurance Quotes (Caspi, Behm 1990, Abrams 1991) see similar rates in the elderly as in young, which weaken the typical pathologies in old age and shift to less impressive problems there (“heterotypic continuity”), in particular to severe depression. So far there is still no long term studies, which track the development of BPH patients into old age. Therefore, there is no certain knowledge on this point (as of 2001).
Impairments caused by BPH

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Paradigm
BPD sufferers have characteristic dichotomous thinking , which also known as ” black and white thinking are called. ” Analog patterns consist of alternating idealization and devaluation of certain people. It is rarely successful, emotionally important to keep people from a constant performance. The self-image changes between inferiority and omnipotence fantasies (delusions of grandeur, respectively). Further activate affected to some extent simultaneous conflicting assumptions . [8]
All of these thought patterns are characterized by two things:
as “divisive thought processes” and
as “primitive” (or ” primary process-like ” ) thought processes.
Both patterns are the projective identification associated with the borderline patient is very pronounced. Projective identification is a defense mechanism, in which parts of the self is split off and projected onto another person. This is then unconsciously experienced as a part of themselves. This will be our own content (values, thoughts, feelings) as perceived by the other person.
The typical way of thinking in certain situations and are specifically associated with certain objects, such as when a person is emotionally strong and important things for him. In addition, borderline personalities are also capable of completely normal as anyone else to think about.
According to Leichsenring , Kernberg and others allow the divisive primary process and thought patterns are so strong that the thought processes do not follow this rational logic. Leichsenring (2001) describes them as “strange, bizarre, strange” . According to him, have confirmed Kernberg’s assumption that such mental processes with the power of primitive emotions , defense mechanisms and object relations coincide. This talk consistent with Kernberg that the mental disorders in the BPS and conflict-related failures are no defects.
Psychotic Symptoms
A typical psychotic symptoms in border-liners there is magical thinking , which is often particularly severe cases. It is extremely controversial, whether one should evaluate as true psychotic thoughts. In addition to brief paranoid ideas and hallucinations occur. The hallucinations are called pseudo-psychotic called because they are not opposed to genuine psychotic experiences perceived as coming from outside, but as coming from inside or arrange as part of themselves, most experts these symptoms so as dissociative disorders a.
The opinions and estimates as to how to classify short-term or long-term psychotic symptoms are and how much importance they deserve to go, far apart. Dulz and Schneider consider in heavy BPS also prolonged psychotic phases for granted (Mentzos 2001). Rohde-Dachser (1989) refers to such events as mini-psychosis that occurs in therapy, especially when the central conflict of the patient is touched. [9] Kernberg sees the BPS no psychotic features, but speaks of occasional defects or failures in reality testing (see also ego psychology ).
Dissociative symptoms

Representation of the individual as a circle: left the model Donald Winnicott (1963). There is a closed personality is with neurotic disorders dar. The faults are illustrated by the white lines on the inside. Vamik Volkan (2001), this illustration, added by another (right), with which he is the dissociation of the so-called borderline personality organization. The white areas are larger here and lie about the neurotic level.
Far more often than (pseudo-) psychotic symptoms are severe dissociative symptoms present at each BPS. They are often symptomatically in the foreground (Herpertz, Sass 2001). Under dissociation refers to the phenomenon that the I-structure of a person no longer works consistently.
Kernberg has (similar to Melanie Klein ) develops a model that explains the first-cleavage at the BPS (see the “lack of object constancy”). This model is now recognized in only a minority of the BPS researcher.
After consensus has dissociative disorders are a natural response to extreme emotional stress. Unverarbeitbare experiences are timeless, “frozen” and – depending on the severity – to varying degrees separated from the personality. They include extreme feelings and thoughts to more or less self-sufficient person shares, which are complementary and can be activated later.
At (BPS) affected such disorders occur in different degrees of severity, and even in different species. These include depersonalization , derealization , twilight, thought disorder , (partial) amnesia , anthem Rhodesia (negative flooding), obsessive thoughts , and loss of control when emotional separations are (re) activated.
Social Behavior
General
In dealing with other people affected, it is usually difficult to regulate closeness and distance. Here, the contrasting play of intimacy anxieties and fears of being alone a decisive role (see the section “Specific fears” ). It happens that offend other stakeholders, even unconsciously. This can be a form of self-aggression group, or it can be fear of intimacy can be triggered.
Because of the extreme emotional state can lead to impulsive behaviors, especially for painful or alleged offense , as well as interpersonal conflicts . Such socially critical situations are addressed individually, but mostly emotionally and without consideration of consequences . Especially in the wake of controversy rages alongside other modes of reaction are possible, such as denial , contempt and / or withdrawal. Conflicts are therefore often inadequate or not permanently solved. Regardless of these aspects it is possible that affected peculiar to eccentric behavior on the set day.
In some cases exhibit a pattern of BPD sufferers often changing social contacts and / or social circles on. Also in the sexual area may occur for BPH-related abnormal and / or risky behavior, such as to alternate periods of anhedonia and promiscuity , which represent a form of self-harm can . This is especially concerned with before, the earlier victims of abuse or rape were.
Manipulative behavior and the need to control relationships are further features that are found in different areas. Manipulation experiments can serve as the purpose is not to lose caregivers. In addition, other people are sometimes described by the paradigm under projective identification involved in order to stabilize its own internal balance. This can be stressful impact on relationships.
In examining the comments and conversations concerned communication signals ( gestures , facial expressions , manner of speaking) very intensely to certain characters, but in relationship to the perceived or actual deviations in the behavior (wearing of jewelery, working late). This may consist of distrust (or fear) or because of possible injuries happen (or fragile self-image).
Types of bonds
In attachment theory different types of bonds are discussed, which were frequently found in borderline patients. The attachment research has shown that victims often an insecure attachment style in adulthood show. Especially evident in the borderline personality disorder often a disorganized attachment style guest office chairs . Psychoanalytic researchers suspect a link between the mainly insecure-ambivalent attachment and disorganized attachment in the development of a personality disorder.
Insecure-ambivalent attachment
Insecure- ambivalent bonds form a contrast to insecure-avoidant bonds , but the two types are related and occur in various personality disorders. People from insecure-avoidant type of bond values ​​from close emotional relationships, and they do not seem to need. This type of binding occurs primarily through early childhood rejection. The other variant is characteristic of BPD.
People from insecure-ambivalent attachment type tend to be internally binding on people cling. At the same time but they are upset and angry with her. On one side stand great relationship at first desire and wishes of the merger. On the other hand are then added to the feelings of reality and forced confinement. This type of bond develops from insecure attachment to caregivers and early childhood of their unpredictable behavior. The unpredictable behavior carries over here, and it marks the later relationship patterns.
Insecure-disorganized binding
Insecure-disorganized bonds have two subtypes: Hostile punishing and comforting caring . Both develop from the same background (abandonment and / or abuse), but remain concerned later (internally) fixed in each one of these styles. You can not flexibly switch back and forth between them.
The hostile-punitive type to write more other personality disorders, but it can also exist in a BPS. The comforting, caring variant is more common in BPD. In both styles affected ultimately try obsessively to control the relationships with other people.
Relationships
Problem behaviors in interpersonal relationships is a key feature of personality disorders, and especially with the BPS, it plays a defining role (Huber 2005). Relationships are very important for patients, but have characteristic disturbances.
Partnerships run individually very different, they can – depending on the extent or severity of the disorder – also work. However, the typical borderline negative impulses often appear devastating. After sometimes stormy approaches to the ambivalent behavior of the person concerned causing an extremely unsettled and increasingly contradictory and chaotic course of the relationship that ends abruptly and sometimes unpredictable again. It can be often an uncertain wavering between excessive or even fearful clips and abrupt jerking off watching (and indirectly by striking evasive or confrontational behavior). In some cases, the partner relationship in so heavily loaded that they need psychological support themselves after some time, eg due to trauma caused by traumatic transfers or by developing a stress disorder or adjustment disorder . [10]
Often partnerships are particularly problematic among those affected, since both tend to be highly sensitive and can accumulate in the disturbances. There are partly a very troubled relationship patterns, sometimes with frequent separations and rapprochement. As such relationships occur also depends on the personal characteristics of the binding partner. Basically we can say: the more similar the better. Therefore, if necessary, will work relationships among stakeholders.
Emotionality
The borderline personality tends to their current emotional state, so their mood and their feelings, to share their social environment ( projective identification ). In addition, the often quickly changing moods make it difficult to deal with victims.
Affective instability
Affected live in an extreme and unstable emotions. Can express itself in the short-wavelength fluctuations in mood and in deep emotional crisis . The threshold is low. Even small events can trigger strong emotional impulses, and certain stimuli can be very difficult to process. So it can easily happen that negative experiences such as insults or embarrassment emotionally and mentally set. They appear as flashbacks again and after a considerable time later convert to normal memories.
Regardless of such sensitivities Affected experiencing extremely painful and diffuse tension, although they do not perceive different emotions differentiated. At other times, such diffuse tensions by feelings of inner emptiness contrasts.
The extreme emotions arise persistent insomnia . Not every individual has these problems permanently and equally strong, but everyone has to fight sooner or later it.
Impulse control
The low impulse control leads to a pattern of intensive behavioral disorders. This behavior is self-defeating in the first place, but it can also be harmful alien. Sufferers try in a characteristic way to suppress their impulses, which distinguishes them from anti-social personalities . Nevertheless, the effect of stimulus to thought and social behavior.
Emotional dynamics
The characteristic feelings of BPS fear , anger and despair , also feelings of guilt and depression (or sadness, emptiness, resignation). These intense feelings and experiences of BPD has consciously and / or subliminal.
These emotions are engaged with the dynamics of power and powerlessness, which runs like a thread through the personality traits. Feels powerless or helpless is with despair associated with the opposite power and control. Fear and anger (and as its main consequence of aggression) are located between these extremes.
Powerlessness, helplessness and despair are negative extremes in the spectrum of human emotion. From these results in fear (or panic) and anger (or aggression) and pull towards the supposedly positive pole. Most schools keep a sense of existential threat (especially a perceived threat to ego structure) – in other words the feeling of a strong fear – the driving force or primary cause of aggression.
From these relationships may consciously or unconsciously control constraints, the potential for violence and / or pathological ambition results. This may relate to their own personality or their own organization, but also on social relationships, for example in connection with the disturbed object relations .
Production of affect
Many people with a borderline structure, it is next to the irritable and emotionally charged states temporarily to complete phases of emotion. The person is then less sensitive to completely numb. Some people are irritated by these states, the majority sees this but greatly relieved.
Hoffmann, Dulz and Schneider refer to this phenomenon as a specific mechanism for defense against anxiety in addition to the conversion into a rage, the action (fear control by self and other damage) and the projection. Should the patient to suppress the affects constant, then the picture changes to a schizoid personality disorder . Some researchers (Herman, Sachsse, Huber) to see the dove-state as a typical form of dissociation: the person falls into a different personality state.
Often extreme conditions of searching self-harm, fast driving or excessive drug abuse, which may be an attempt to feel themselves, relieve stress, to punish virility ex themselves, or to numb themselves.
Specific fears of BPS
Patients have, in general pronounced fears that may be related to any content. The fears are not always consistently available. And there are many different kinds of feelings. It can be generalized anxiety (see also Panangst ), but isolated attacks of anxiety (eg panic attacks ) and various phobic disorders. But certain types of anxiety occur most frequently and intensely and are therefore specific to the BPS.
Fear of intimacy
BPD sufferers are afraid of intimacy and foreign subjugation . This fear can be both conscious and unconscious form as there are – paradoxically parallel to the fear of being alone (see below). (See also fear of commitment ).
As a “fear of engulfment fantasized” called Sven Hoffman (2001), a principle similar form of anxiety, which refers equally to foreign conquest. It is also linked to a greater loss of reality. Affected fear being wiped out by a magical experience. The perceived closeness is experienced here as a very intense and seems to threaten their own structure.
Fear of being alone
The fear of being alone is about relationship loss. It includes two components:
Fear of loss of a social object and
Fear of loss of love of the object .
These fears arise from excessive desire for proximity in social relations, so-called merger wishes . In addition, affected unconsciously set alone with the same abandonment .
Fear of loss of self
The fear of loss of self is not to be confused because of the ambiguous term with the fear of death. With this fear fear BPD, its own personality, their identity and in the broader sense, to lose himself.
According to Hoffman (2001), these fears result from an attempt to neutralize the above-mentioned separation and fear of loss. You are at least as experienced as threatening as the causative fears. Other theories (Herman Huber) suggest that it results from the dissociative symptoms.
Fear itself
The fear itself is derived from fear of losing control of their own fantasies, needs, feelings, or problematic. This would for example mean that someone is overwhelmed by his own anger, certain fantasies that someone can no longer distinguish from reality or that someone has to compulsively indulge a pulse.
This form of anxiety is also known by the neurotic disorders, especially anxiety disorders and phobias of the forth. Sven Hoffman (2001) They are referred to as “neurotic subgroup” .
Fear of structural regression
Fear of structural regression is a conscious or unconscious fear of losing the status I reached back to hold, for example, the status of your services and / or performance can not be. Since BPD sufferers are partially enormously powerful people, but still have heavy loads, they are both professionally and in private life often confronted with failure. This form of anxiety is due to the “specific ego weakness” (or “fragility of the ego” ) seen.
Self-injury and suicidality
Self-injury
Self-injury (SIA) at the BPS is of suicidality delineate because SIA is not operated with suicidal intent. There are different types of self-injurious behavior in the strict sense, such as physical self-injury methods by cutting tools, blood removal, crushing, burns (eg lighters) and others. There are also indirect forms such as substance abuse, eating disorders by SIA and generally by excessive behaviors. Self-injury in a broad sense can be made ​​through conscious or unconscious actions prejudicial to the parties concerned, bring in a worse situation or bring him trouble.
The various forms of SVV results always for some reason. For example, high-risk behavior serving to stabilize feelings of powerlessness (Bohus, 2005). Reasons for physical self-injury may be (after Sachsse 2001):
In order to Plastic Bins resolve inner tensions
As DUI Attorneys a self-punishment for feelings of guilt
For reorientation in severe dissociative states
To feel again (Relevant sometimes lose a electronic cigarettes normal body sensation)
In order to get kicks (SIA euphorisieren can, because this serotonin is released to the many people affected, it may be lacking, at least temporarily)
In order to get attention
Suicidality
Suicides or suicide attempts may by severe depression, chronic fatigue or distress caused, in certain situations, loss of control, if uncontrollable emotions were triggered. thoughts of suicide may actually serve to compensate, for example, as revenge fantasies strong feelings of powerlessness and anger. An anxious environment can serve as a positive reinforcer and encourage this behavior with it.
Suicide rates for the BPS can not specify a flat rate, because BPD often occurs together with other personality disorders (high comorbidity ). Decisive factors auto insurance quotes are the individual with whom a data subject’s face. A special role is played by the severe depression, which usually appear in the BPS at some point, and also serious addictions.
Thomas McGlashan , calculated from a large-scale, long-term study (see section history ), a suicide rate of 16 percent for BPH patients with concurrent endogenous depression. The rate of patients without dysthymia (a relatively small proportion of those affected) lies only about two percent. Bohus and Unckel (2005) indicate a flat rate of suicide of five to ten percent.
Neurobiological Aspects

Position of the amygdala in the human brain (bottom view).

Another functional unit of the limbic system: the two hippocampi.
You could show in several studies (Koenigsberg, Siever, 2001) is that both borderline patients and patients with other personality disorders decreased overall activity of the serotogenen system. There is a connection between the system and serotogenen impulsive aggression, aggression towards both themselves (eg SVV and suicide attempts) and foreign aggression (eg, outbursts of anger or violence). The serotogene total activity can be measured by administering serotogene substances and then the prolactin release measures, weakened for BPH patients.
In addition, one could detect in BPS patients, that the cholinergic system is more sensitive (Koenigsberg, Siever). Due to this sensitivity, a man is emotionally sensitive and labile mood. Also plays a role in the cholinergic system in the regulation of REM sleep . Borderline patients have a reduced and more erratic REM sleep.
The amygdala (amygdala) and the hippocampus are two interacting functional units of the limbic system . With magnetic resonance imaging and positron emission tomography has been found that BPD patients reduced both the amygdala and is hyperexcitable (Bohus, 2004). The amygdala is a central part of the stress-processing system and the fear memory connected.
According to Heller and Van der Kolk, the hippocampus , which plays an important role Gedächtnisabspeicherungen, BPD patients even more degenerate than the amygdala . The damage of borderline patients are otherwise identical to those in patients with severe post-traumatic stress disorder (Bohus, Heller, Van der Kolk). The deficits interfere with the emotional processing step, the emotion memory and make patients hypersensitive to stimuli. In addition, the system through intensive unpleasant feelings (like shame, anger and fear) is further compromised, which may involve a downward spiral.
See also: Neurobiology of the bond , Inner Child
Comorbidities

Some diseases occur frequently in conjunction with the BPS at ( comorbidity ).
Depression
At 80 to 100 percent of the BPH patients may be depressed notice. With bipolar disorder , there is no noticeable correlation.
Distinct from the affective disorders is the affective instability of BPD sufferers. By the latter can be caused Reactive depression, so depression that can result from severe mood swings out (eg, perceived problems in life). Endogenous and reactive depression in the BPS can also coexist and communicate with each other, with different emphases.
AD (H) D
According to recent findings can be used by more than half of all BPS patients in retrospect an attention- detect (AD (H) D) (Bohus, 2004). In such cases, the social integration, especially the ability to participate in professional life, burdened.
Regardless of which have AD (H) S and BPS outwardly several similar features, so these two disorders are often confused. These include mental absence, impulsivity, sensitivity and imbalance. Mental absence due to a BPS is usually due to dissociative and is phased. In AD (H) D is generally limited attention (short attention span, distractibility).
If the increased sensitivity and impulsivity of AD (H) S-affected considered genetic predisposition, then these properties all models that deal with the causes of the BPS. To that extent would be people with AD (H) S is predestined to develop BPS.
Other
Borderline patients tend to have different psychologically induced physical problems that can be totally different, car insurance comparison difficult. Typically include headache, stomach sensitivity and neural overload, and there are many other possible physical symptoms.
21-67 percent of patients operated substance abuse and / or suffer from addictions . Approximately 14 percent are eating disorders (Bohus, Unckel 2005), while in most cases, bulimia and anorexia rather rare ( anorexia nervosa ).
The comorbidity of psychotic disorders is specified as 0 to 40 percent. This striking contradiction stems from the fact that many diagnosticians confirm psychotic disorders, where different pseudo-psychotic or dissociative symptoms viewed as part of the BPS. According to the second group would be at the BPS rate not higher than psychosis in the general population.
On the other potential comorbidities personality disorders is the following section (forms of the BPS) one.
Characteristics of the BPS

General
A special feature of the BPS is that it can occur in different ways. Also, can a patient’s symptoms change over long periods of time, forming diagnostic positions only snapshots. They all are postulated by Kernberg Bankruptcy “borderline personality organization.”
Volkan and Ast (1992) see the borderline personality organization on a scale. At its lower end, there are fewer serious cases where the patient is almost always as neurotic behavior. Patients at the upper end (severe BPD) tend to increase contrast, psychotic phases.
According to various experts, it is hardly a BPD patients who do not qualify for at least one other personality disorder met, in severe cases up to seven possible (Loranger et al., 1994, Bronisch 2005). Overall, there is a high comorbidity of personality disorders with each other.
Various known BPS researchers describe the ICD and DSM criteria for personality disorders as a disabled license classifications, as they tried to separate disorders, which are inseparable and formed a continuum. These researchers include Kernberg, Fiedler , Dulz, Plakun, McGlashan, Heinßen, Ronnigstam and some others. With respect to the BPS, this means Denver Divorce Lawyer that the current ICD and DSM classifications of personality disorders only exist on paper, are in the current research (from 2001) but no more.
Symptom levels
Dulz is based on the above facts, a classification of BPD into subtypes, so-called “symptom levels,” introduced. It is based on other personality disorders, but differentiates itself from neuroses and psychoses. After Dulz it is rare for more severe forms of BPD, that there is only one symptom level.
This classification was extended by the fact that you have included the model of Stone (1994). This is the BPS differentiated into “aggressive factor” (or “aggressive foreign factor”) and a “passive factor” (or “auto-aggressive factor”). The offensive factor is attributed primarily severe physical abuse suffered by the victim, the passive factor primarily sexual abuse.
The anxiety-like symptom level represents a milder form (as a “mature stage” hereinafter) dar. Here the ego structure is at least as stable, that the central symptom of free-floating anxiety emerges openly. For more severe BPS is the ego structure unstable, and the anxiety levels are higher, which leads to feelings of fear displaces more (or split) are to be masked by other symptoms or converted.
BPH symptom levels General Characteristics Car Aggressive Aggressive foreign
Anxiety-like symptom level (lighter form of the BPS) Chronic diffuse and free-floating anxiety , avoidance of certain activities, dependent in many areas of life Fear, helplessness fantasies Withdrawal due to fear of denial as a contact (hidden act of aggression)
Phobioformes symptom level Multiple phobias require social restrictions, phobias about external objects, and also about one’s own body and the person Phobia for fear avoidance of withdrawal Withdrawal due to fear of contact avoidance (hiding aggressive act)
Depressive symptom level Depressive affect, feelings of helplessness (often broken as a consequence self-image) Property lots emptiness, depression, anhedonia Property lots impotent rage
Psychosomatic symptom level Mentally-related physical ailments and injuries, diffuse conflict and anxiety are shifting from the emotional to the physical level Anorexia , bulimia (aggression directed against his own body) Anorexia: In an aggressive act (eg to parents), and aggressive foreign share
Narcissistic symptom level Emptiness, with occasional loss of impulse control as an attempt to reduce anxiety, instrumentalised of others, arrogance, conceit, demanding attitude Self-injury and / or suicidality after alleged offenses , antisocial / aggressive auto delinquency , drugs, games, sexuality multivariate Anger and aggression on offense, antisocial / aggressive foreign delinquency, sexuality multivariate
Compulsive symptom levels Voltage reduction of compulsions and obsessional thinking, early and planning ahead difficult variable, diminished ability to express warm feelings Compulsive behavior, compulsive thinking with autoaggressive content Obsessional thinking with aggressive foreign content
Hysteroides symptom levels (severe to very severe form of BPD) Severe dissociative symptoms to Dissociative Identity Disorder (DIS) , semi-consciousness, amnesia , manipulative behavior, protean, sometimes bizarre conversion symptoms , dramatization to express intense emotions, but also a feeling of emptiness (affective vacuum) to compensate Self-injurious behavior at dissociation , auto-aggressive personality states, conversion, suggestibility Attack upon dissociation, strange aggressive personality states, dramatization
Psychotic symptom level (very severe form of BPD) Psychotic symptoms, visual and audible (pseudo-) hallucinations, such as flashbacks (reliving), diffuse anxiety is wow gold a paranoid symptoms converted, self-injurious behavior as “antipsychotic” (Pseudo) hallucinations (or dissociations, in extreme cases, DIS ), for example as abusive voices, bloody contents, paranoid symptoms with autoaggressive reaction (Pseudo) hallucinations (or dissociations, in extreme cases, DIS) compared with other content-oriented, paranoid symptoms with aggressive foreign reaction
Causes

There are various theories and models about how the BPS is created. And there are paintball gear several factors that are considered possible causes or partial causes should be considered. Most scientists believe that several factors contribute to the development.
Possible factors
Genetic predisposition
Different researchers take into account genetic characteristics. This could be related to personality traits, but could also simply represent an increased sensitivity to adverse effects. It also plays a role in how personality traits are inherited (Paris, 2001).
Twin studies suggest that there is a strong influence of genes. [11] According to current state of research it is likely that the tendency to unstable emotions, an unstable self-image and changing between human emotions is genetically inherited. However, it is only in combination with unfavorable environmental conditions for the expression of borderline personality disorder. [12]
Molecular genetic studies in which free iPhone specific genes are analyzed by people with certain personality traits, could provide meaningful results (Paris, 2001). So far we have only fragmentary knowledge gained that can not be applied to the BPS. But with the further development promises are being made ​​to get information.
Environmental influences
The majority of the psychoanalyst says that essential foundations of the BPS even in early childhood are placed. Adverse environmental conditions in childhood sexual abuse, neglect and violence contribute to the development of borderline personality disorder at. [12]
In psychoanalysis, one measures related experience in a central role. Effects such as severe trauma are assigned depending on the field have different meanings.
When considering the possible environmental impacts related to an increasingly family background. Theories that say that BPS sufferers are more common in lower socioeconomic groups, could be refuted (Joe Paris, 2001).
Particularly characteristic of the formation of a BPS are two types of families seen (Cierpka, Reich 2001), although there are mixed forms: first, called “chaotic and unstable families” and other “neglected and emotionally abusive families” .
Chaotic and unstable families are characterized by permanent marriage crises and disputes within the family, impulsive scenarios, or alcohol addiction and child as a scapegoat. The other family type is characterized by emotional coldness towards the child, demoralization, neglect, early separation of the parents, long periods of loneliness and depressive disorders of the parents. Ruiz-Sancho and Gunderson (2001) believe that it is possible that parents may have unpredictable emotional neglect and abuse similar to and as a BPS condition with you.
Another aspect is that occurring BPD and other personality disorders clustered within families, which is why some researchers suspect that the symptoms could be transferred by the behavior (Cierpka, Reich 2001). Thus, the pulses of parents with BPD may have a negative impact on their children who suffer in similar damage as they have their parents. Thus, the BPD often not acquired, and thus lack or even absence of ability to perceive emotions cause them to be not adequately recognized for their own children and it can not be an appropriate response. As a result, the development of self-regulation of important learning process (Bateman & Fonagy, 2001) and in the next generation does not occur sufficiently.
Studies show that there are patients with borderline personality disorder who come from intact families and their parents caring act (Ruiz-Sancho, Gunderson 2001). Important for mental development but also an emotionally and intellectually, and facing each other “appropriate” interaction between parents and children (Fonagy & Target, 2006).
In the rather complex interplay between a genetically acquired predisposition and environmental factors, differences in the interaction between parents and their children, so that can be described clearly outside any traumatic experiences in general are “opportunistic” behavior. Certainly it can be said upon this data, however, that the social influences in childhood, including parenting style is an important component, which decides whether the system is shown, so symptoms that describe a disease occur at all (Caspi et al ., 2003).
Formation models
Psychoanalytic model of development
According to Otto F. Kernberg , and other authors created the BPS in that certain early childhood development processes are not completed successfully. For healthy development, it must succeed for the individual, the self separate from other objects. In addition, the more splintered I -Shares are integrated into a whole. Only then can the people unite in the primitive splitting “only good” and “only evil” in the same object.
This applies in particular to good and bad experiences with the mother . The mother can be seen for example at a time as well if they are dedicated to nurturing the child. If the mother is away for some time, they may be perceived as bad. This contradictory experience first result in fission.
In healthy development, the child would learn that the mother exists even when it is absent. This skill is called object permanence or object constancy. Not develop object constancy, it means absence always an intense experience of loss. Because the individual’s self can not separate objects, it seems it will lose a part of themselves.
According to Kernberg of BPS have affected a constitutionally conditioned (ie innate) interference in early childhood aggression, and anger is the main result of the aggression. As it is the libido is increased, which is expressed in sexual arousal. The excessive Wutaktivität hinders the development described goals and is the cause of BPH.
Mentalization by Peter Fonagy and Target Marry
The psychoanalytic model of mentalization , that of Peter Fonagy and Target Marry developed states of complex developmental processes as a cause of borderline personality disorder. In Mutter-Säuglings/Kleinkind-Beziehung they see the error of the developing bond and subtle social processes of exchange (interaction) between mother and child as being significant. The child develops in the first three years, an idea of how the mental, so the thinking that influences behavior. Children can often be understood from the age of four, that of human, intentional acts of certain ideas, desires, etc. are based. Fonagy and Target speak of mentalizing , that is the “ability to conduct its own or other people’s behavior by attribution to interpret mental states. ” [13] In order to develop this ability, an understanding of what is going on in the minds of others, are Various developments are necessary.
In the beginning from a very early infancy interactions with the caregiver is suitable both the infant’s ability to control car finance the attention and the regulation of the emotions. Due to the excessive emotional response of the reference person on the passions (marking) the infant learns this, the various emotional states to be distinguished. He then has the ability to represent them mentally, to think that is the ability of emotional states (secondary representation ) . As disturbances in this process to see Fonagy and Target both a lack of reflection and an unmarked by the caregiver. This lack of reflection on the formation of secondary representative is prevented. If unchecked, mirrored emotions can not be represented correctly. Fonagy and Target compare this with the concept of false self of Donald Winnicott . [14] [15]
In the further development of between 18 months and four years of a playful approach to the thoughts and emotions and their expression is critical. The expression in the game and the response of the caregiver replaces here the reflection of the first infant and toddler stage. Is it not possible the child to express his emotions in the game, or is it, for example, experiences of violence in the family, forced to accept the reality too seriously, it does not learn to accept his ideas as a representation of reality. The child takes the same reality as the idea is true (“equivalence” mode), or is she just playfully and not as an opportunity to tap into the thoughts of others. Alongside these developments, the control of attention is not developed, which serves to focus on social exchange and to suspend the external circumstances. Also, control of emotions was not developed in this unfavorable trend. Strong emotions can develop the ability to the mental states of others, interfere again. A borderline personality disorder according to Fonagy and Target that is a structural understanding of disorder in which the person concerned an important basis for social exchange but also for the reflexive capture of one’s own self-structure are missing. [16]
The neurobehavioural model

The systematics of the neuro-behavioral model
The neuro-behavioral model is an oral multi-factorial approach. He fills a neurobiological predisposition one, and developmental disorders caused by traumatic influences arise in early childhood and later lead to harmful Verhaltensautomatismen.
After damage in early childhood extreme stress compounded an already sensitive limbic system , which complicates the emotional processing. This increases the Dissoziationsneigung (fission) and there is a marked fear structure.
As the acting (or perpetrators) usually are the protectors, the child is totally dependent on them and has strong positive relationship with them as well, shaping itself through the contrast of security and experienced led tv reviews abuse timelessly contradictory ways of thinking. Here too, the principle of introjection play a special role. Here, the thinking of others are taken in parallel to each other’s ways of thinking. In such extreme situations that happen to see any sense in the situation.
A similar phenomenon is known, the Stockholm Syndrome where the victim of an extreme situation, have adopted the mindset of the perpetrators. Similar findings reported Jan Philipp Reemtsma about his abduction. Such thoughts are timeless shape for a child, it behaves in accordance with the feelings. These processes are dissociative because of the unit diabetic foot ulcer I split.
The extreme events are not necessarily by parents or other persons may be triggered. There may be other influences, which have the same mechanism of action.
The emotional development and mental level are equally disturbed. The timeless stored traumatic experiences are unconsciously projected onto the environment later, the causal conditions are always present in this respect. This is reflected later reflected in the actions and social relationships.
In the course of various factors (eg, budding sexuality , problems, inappropriate therapy ) retraumatisieren and result in a negative feedback. In addition, self-destructive patterns of behavior are developed that are intended to be a problem-solving attempts.
After the neuro-behavioral model are affected in tense or stressful situations under constant influence of traumatic stress, both overt and latent, can act.
The BPS as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Over the past decades, especially in the aftermath of the Vietnam War, have post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) all studied. It has been shown to exhibit particularly severe forms of the disorder varied clinical pictures that go beyond the known characteristics of an ordinary PTSD and meet all the criteria for borderline personality disorder.
This disorder was in the newly emerging field of psycho-trauma , the term complex post-traumatic stress disorder combined. Some trauma specialists consider the BPS as a severe form of complex PTSD. The reasons are:
75 to 90 percent of BPD patients report that they have suffered severe trauma, while most sexual and / or physical abuse in childhood (Bohus, Unckel 2005, Herman 1992).
That traumatic experiences in the residual group is apparently absent, virtually, of course, there are often not particularly traumatic experiences are remembered by, they also appear in early childhood, the most difficult ( priming phase ), and this can not even remember.
The neurological damage in borderline and severe PTSD are identical.
Complex PTSD is difficult to understand the symptoms of BPH in all aspects.
The emergence of concepts correspond to the neuro-behavioral model (see above).
Other experts believe, however, that sexual trauma is neither a necessary nor a sufficient condition for the development of BPD is: “… The among clinicians strongly held belief that it is the BPS is a chronic post-traumatic stress disorder, found on a scientific level, no evidence. ” [11]
Treatment

Psychotherapies
In the past, was very controversial as to whether and how far you can successfully treat BPH, because most psychotherapy studies aufzeigten hardly convincing success (Dammann, Clarkin, Kächele 2001). Especially for periods of five years therapy had little effect. However, these findings are only dimly, and also out of date. Over time, therapies have been developed which are easier to the BPS and therefore achieve much better results, especially from 90 years.
Indeed notorious that BPS patients place a very high rate of discontinuations in the day (30 to over 70 percent), next is often shown a lack of willingness to cooperate with the therapy’s content (” Non-compliance “). Therefore, the aim is to avoid treatment interruptions and provide a good starting point.
All the various BPS therapy is common that the therapeutic relationship, ie the relationship between patient and therapist, most attention is given (Makowski, Pachnicke 2001). Only when this combination blends can work therapy.
An important role is played by the intense counter-transference , which is typical of borderline patients. Countertransference are the feelings that trigger the patient in the therapist. Based on these feelings, the therapist can gain important information about the patient and thereby develop the best approach.
Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT)
The dialectical-behavioral therapy (DBT) is a cognitive behavioral therapy and is based on neuro-behavioral development model (see section formation models ).
The aim is to strengthen the patient in various fields. Here are the benefits of certain behavioral strategies are worked out, without explaining to the previous solution attempts to be invalid. dialectic in the sense of DBT aims to resolve apparent contradictions in the world of the patient and to integrate them gradually.
For the DBT were good results in the borderline therapy are shown.
Mentalisierungsgestütztes treatment concept
The Mentalization psychotherapy (Mentalization Based Treatment in short: MBT) is a psychoanalytic treatment method developed by Peter Fonagy and Anthony W. Bateman has been developed. It is based on the concept of mentalization .
The goal is to assist the patient in improving his mentalization. This requires that the therapist, the emotional states of the patient is always aware, in order to gain a better understanding of his current mental state. In groups as in individual therapy to create conversations with a better understanding of the fundamentals of mental activity as well as a collection reflective of one’s personality will allow.
The Mentalization treatment concept best credit cards was great and very long-term effects and a very low dropout rate. [17] [18]
Psychodynamic approaches
Psychodynamic psychotherapy are very different therapeutic approaches, which were derived from the theories of psychoanalysis. They have a very different part time, short-term psychotherapies that can reach up to several years of psychotherapy. This psychodynamic psychotherapies have very different priorities in the approach. Psychodynamic processes show large and stable effects, especially in regard to the change of personality. [19]
In psychoanalytic circles, there is a big debate about whether the BPS rather supportative or confrontational suitable (or expressive) methods. Supportative methods rely on a more empathetic, less technologically-neutral work. Confrontational approaches to locate a deal with the conflicts and impulses of the patient and determined to follow prescribed treatment instructions.
After Hoglends studies [20] and others can cause particularly confrontational approaches in severely affected patients have an unfavorable course of therapy. Hoglend speaks of “toxic effect”. Negative here, especially transference interpretations acting. So it’ll likely require discontinuation of therapy, if transference interpretations seem more involved in treatment. But for the Transference-Focused Psychotherapy (TFP), which emphasizes the transference interpretation as an important technique in the treatment, shows positive effects. This therapy is considered to be very mature and she was confirmed by Perry (1999) and by Leichsenring and Leibing (2003) successful treatment.
Trauma therapy
Because borderline patients are often severely damaged traumatically, the BPS is increasingly being treated in specialized trauma therapy. You follow the principle of the iceberg (Herman 1992). This report shows that the BPS symptoms, the visible surface, whereas the weighted factors are hidden.
When one considers a fundamental course here may be that no Retraumatisierungen which – may result from the great mass below the visible surface – considered the model of the iceberg. Therefore, the primary aim of treatment is so-called stabilization , but can not be achieved in all cases. Extends the stabilization successful, methods such as EMDR be performed to process the so-called trauma material specifically. A holistic therapy concept also offers the Psychodynamic Imaginative Trauma Therapy (PITT).
Involvement of families
Personality disorders denver injury attorney present themselves in the interaction and access to the family dynamics. Internal conflicts of a patient can strongly interact with family processes (Cierpka, Reich 2001). In certain cases, the family of origin and / or the current nuclear family of the patient involved. There may also be an accompanying family therapy, individual therapy, support, and the same applies to couple therapy .
For the families of the victims, especially for the families of origin, the diagnosis of BPD at one of their members (or their child) can be very worrying and stressful (Ruiz-Sancho, Gunderson 2001). The main objective when members or partners are involved, the dysfunctional patterns of interaction out and replace them with better ones.
Medication
Pharmacological treatments for BPH are based primarily on the individual symptoms , which provide for complaints. It’s a fairly wide range of resources that are available, where antidepressants are most commonly used.
BPH patients with apparently the same or similar complaints respond very differently to each medication. Another striking feature in the BPS-medication is the high rate of placebo responders, which is why we now always perform studies placebo-controlled.
In randomized controlled trials , efficacy of serotonin reuptake inhibitors for BPH patients are demonstrated. The drug showed positive effects, especially for depressive symptoms, also for anxiety, self harm and urge aggressive impulses.
Naltrexone is an off-label used with success in treating self-injurious behavior in dissociative disorders and borderline personality disorders. [21]
Against a variety of symptoms such as psychotic thinking, impulsive behavior and suicidal tendencies are at BPS occasionally neuroleptic used (or antipsychotics).
Compared with conventional antipsychotic medication and the risk of cognitive impairment speak mostly irreversible tardive dyskinesia (about which the patient must necessarily be informed of what he has to confirm by signature). In general, however, are recommended SSRIs and atypical antipsychotics. [22]
For the atypical antipsychotic olanzapine showed good effects in terms of affect regulation, depression, impulsivity and anxiety. Alternatives are aripiprazole and quetiapine . Open trials have shown positive effects for risperidone and clozapine .
A common side effect of antipsychotic drugs is weight gain.
The use of benzodiazepines carries with borderline patients is considerable potential for addiction and should be founded on a few short-term individual cases are limited. [11]
Course

Over the long term course and outcome of BPD could previously only be found out a little. One possible reason for this is stated that the current classification of the BPS was defined until 1980. A particular problem is also the frequent and various comorbidities that affect the gradients significantly and adversely affect the rule.
So far only one large longitudinal study has been carried out. In this patient, the 1950-1975 from the American Sanatorium were Chestnut Lodge were released classified, based on extensive records and according to DSM-III criteria in 1980 (McGlashan, 2001). Particular attention has been given this additional diagnoses such as schizophrenia, bipolar depression and major depression. Particularly striking were the different patterns while male and female patients.
Female BPD patients showed a medium-term course (second decade) less symptoms, but have a much stronger short-term breakthroughs. Long-term (> 20 years) was worse than in the state on record. This was hcg drops often associated with the loss of family members.
The male patients differed in two ways from the women: first, they refused (usually against medical advice) other treatments, and secondly was their long-term course amazingly well. In particular, affected the career, relationships, marriage and social activity, in addition, they developed individual support systems for themselves.
However, these results – just like the study as a whole – not universal. As distorting factors indicated that the BPD in male patients were equally difficult, but probably only certain types of male patients were enrolled in the study, male patients because, for example, more in prison, but rarely end up in hospitals. Moreover, the former social status of women makes it difficult to precisely those points that affect the core problem of the BPS, such as social pressure to marry and a minor role in relationships. Furthermore, the predicate “good” to see in the male patient relative, because it refers only superficially to the situation and on the outward symptoms.
As special factors that correlated strongly with negative gradients, were identified: female gender, (inconsistently treated) addiction, magical thinking, worse martial arts denver aggression control, reduced intellectual capacity, longer hospital stays, more and / or more severe comorbidities, more problematic family situations, and to Michael H . Stone poverty and physical illnesses. According to Stone are significant positive factors: high degree of self-discipline, artistic talent and attractiveness in female patients.
History

The research around the borderline personality disorder has a relatively long and complex history. The conceptual history goes back to 1884. At that time the English language by a psychiatrist CH Hughes “Borderland” in mental illness. This term was a short time later as “borderline” taken over. This was described patients with different symptom pictures that could be assigned to either the fixed or the neurotic psychotic spectrum. But not until Adolf Stern manifested the concept in 1939 in the scientific world.
In the history of research, there were four major trends that have emerged in different periods and in part also ran parallel to each other. The oldest looked at as a borderline personality disorder subschizophrene , that is, as a kind of schizophrenia in disguise. Another tried as a borderline disorder subaffektive to grasp, which is approximately comparable to manic-depressive illness. Later they became more than impulse control disorder classified, and the recent movement sees as a borderline post-traumatic stress disorder .
Over time, one has the concepts related to the phrase borderline mixed and related pathologies several times, separated and rearranged. What earlier than the typical “borderline” was considered, namely strong psychotic features colored, it has 1980 in the DSM-III borderline personality separate from the concept and the resulting Schizotypische personality disorder defined. At the same time it established the modern concept of borderline personality disorder, as it is roughly in the DSM IV, nor (as of 2007).
“Borderline” is now one of the most common fashion terms and keywords. Nevertheless, in society, little is known about the BPS, but there are even more cliches . In the professional world, we know much more though, but on various issues, we are still not agreed. These four trends are important because they still exist.

So in 2006 I met the love of my life. He is 11 years older than me. His mom and step dad are friends with my dad. He lived in Missouri but was a truck driver and came through to visit. We exchanged phone numbers and started talking. We had so much in common. We sent each other letters and presents and we were just amazing together! It was a long distance relationship for about 6 months then after I graduated high school I moved in with him. This was in 2006.

I went on the road with him for about 3 months. About a month or two after moving in, I kinda went crazy with insecurities! I was eventually diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. I was especially jealous of his ex-wife and it would get so bad that I would hit him and say really, really awful things to him. He stood by me and reassured me and it wasn’t always easy for him, but he did it. Between my BPD, him HATING his job and rarely being home to see me and his kids and having no money, he got REALLY depressed and withdrawn.

Now it’s 2010 and I have a REALLY good job that pays REALLY well, although it’s really stressful and I hate it. I got on antidpressants and I’ll admit I don’t take them regularly… I don’t know why. I probably should. Well, now our money situation is better, I don’t hit him anymore but I do have my bouts of insecurity. This comes from a really bad adolescence and not being able to trust. He doesn’t understand why I’m so insecure about his love for me. He sends me flowers every now and then but I feel like he doesn’t understand that I need affection, too. Like I want him to scoop me up in his arms and tell me how special I am to him. I want him to listen to me and treat me as his partner, which he has a hard time doing. He has told me that when I was having my problems I REALLY hurt him. He said that I was the only person he’s ever loved or trusted this much and I betrayed that. Now he never wants to go anywhere or do anything. He’s only home once a month and with my job and his kids we don’t get much alone time. Maybe 1/2 a day a month. Our sex life is still good, but predictable. I feel like he’s not the same person he was in ’06.

Sometimes I think, "maybe I’m not in love with him anymore. Maybe I never was. Maybe I just wanted something new so I jumped right in." When those thoughts come into my head, I freak out. I have like a panic attack. I think it’s just my insecurities and lack of medication, but it really drives me crazy.

So I’m confused. How can I get him to forget about how much I hurt him and show him that I’m a better person now? I try but sometimes I still get little twinges of insecurity. How can I feel good about the situation?

I know we probably need counseling but he is not willing to go.

I’m not really sure what I’m asking. Basically I want some reassurance that my relationship is not falling apart.

I think you need to step back and think about your situation. Let me tell you, as a borderline myself, it’s not going to be easy with your insecurities and his lack of understanding of your condition. If the both of you do still decide to stay in this relationship it will never get any better until you both agree to go into counseling and therapy together. Trust me you need to do this for yourself or your BDP will only get worse and out of control and for god sakes please take your anti-depressants as that is probably why your still experiencing bouts of insecurities.

I have been a father to my son for 10 years now he lives in another town and visits most weekends and holidays.
I have been to court in the past and have a court order giving me full parental responsibilities and visitation but I have always had a turbulent relationship with my son’s mother.
In a nutshell when he’s at ours it’s great and we do our best to involve him into our family unit as much as possible to the point where he has anything he needs i.e. his own room, pc, ps3, love attention etc. but when he returns home his mother has always interrogated him as to what he’s been up to at our house.
Believe me when I see she is a bad one and I mean that not just because she is my ex but because she tries with everybody around her to negatively disrupt their lives or better yet ruin them altogether.
My point is this after years of war I thought she had finally stopped these games of using my son as a weapon but when my son left after his recent visit he told me I was the best dad in the world but upon him returning home the following day his mother
phones argumentatively accusing me of driving him around with no license which is NOT true, i always have a named driver my vehicle & it is insured etc so why would i risk it but better yet got him to say it too.
2 days later my ex phones telling me he doesn’t want to see me because i always argue but after 10 minutes of talking to him got the truth that it was because he felt nervous because he thought I was angry with him. Now i would not say anything to my son at all because it’s common knowledge his mother is always looking for a row with anyone and that’s not his fault but for him to turn around and say he doesn’t want to see me now that stung. I have a wife and two other children who i do not have this much trouble with and I’m widely known as a responsible dad and husband.
When I went to court last time it was because she denied me access (at the time saying it was because of me, but it later turned out to be because my sons new step dad had recently come out of prison and was doing parole for planning to kill his entire family, after hiding in the attic watching them for a week and writing them suicide notes but he got caught and served time)and i thought after going to court you know I finally can have a stress free relationship with my son but now i don’t know what to do he’s 10 in september and i know he wants to see me but his mothers grip is a tight one and she said if i went to the door she would call the police what do i do i do have a court order so what exactly does this do for me, I have no record, im clean as a whistle so what do i do, bear in mind she is unreasonable or BPD. Can I pick up my son without getting arrested and what impact will these accusations have on me if it goes to court or with the police, I don’t want a record!??
Please serious answers this is too much already
Also I have fully taken into account it’s not my son fault and I shield him the best I can, but how do you shield a child from his own mother he’s disabled as well (scoliosis) and she has been known to hit him (hard to prove but has been admitted), the details about his step dad are information we found out after we got the court order because my partner knows his ex (as in they grew up together).
Believe me if we knew then what we know now things would be very different but I’ve let a lot go for the greater good even though she gave me a nervous breakdown and nearly destroyed my marriage with her poison.
We have supported my son in every way we can and have felt he might have repressed emotion which caused him to feel sad inside so we as in me and my wife got him counselling.
His mother went with him one time then me and my partner the next time, but after seeing us once they quickly realised that it wasn’t us that needed to be worked with.
In the end she muscled in on his counselling until he didn’t even get the appointments anymore & it was her that stole his lime light she has since been diagnosed with depression and given medication.
Which completely defeats the object seeming as she caused the whole damn thing!!

Your son doesen’t need to see you and his mother fighting or you being arrested when you show up to get him. As bad as this matter is you have to do things leagally for your sanity and for the sake of your son.

Get as much legal help as you can to ensure you get your visits. If a judge says you get your son at such and such time she can’t do anything to stop you. If she were to try and break that agrement she could face trouble with the law.

Dealing with the court is costly and time consuming but trust me…well worth your money and time. If your the only responsible, sane adult in the situation and do everything by the book I’m sure the courts would realize that. All you can do is reassure your son that you love him very much and may not get to see him as often as you would like but that you’re working on it.

After this whole mess gets sorted out I think you should do family counseling. As a kid my Mom didn’t raise me. But when my grandmother passed I was forced to move in with here and the three kids she had with her husband. I felt alienated and unloved. I became angry, afraid, and depressed at only 8. Although your son has material things you provide he may be feeling jealous, or hurt that you’ve got a "new" family.

Counseling to deal with those issues would benifit your son and you might begin to understand him more. Best wishes to you!